FREE BENNY

What would Thanksgiving day be without a grave miscarriage of justice. Pictured here is exhibit A, the false imprisonment of my cousin Benny. One minute Ben was entertaining us with his world famous pug spins and the next minute he is in the clink.

I have moved pass my boycott of blogging to support the writers guild and have a new cause. Stop the senseless imprisonment of pugs.

FREE BENNY, FREE BENNY, FREE BENNY, FREE BENNY

Hats and T-Shirts on sale now.

(photos provided by punk human J)

I'm Rich!!! NOT

My site is worth $77,804,776.

How much is yours worth?

Per websitevaluecalculator.com I am a sitting on 77,804,776 bags of milk bones

Please see my listing on ebay for the Brooklyn Bridge.

In support of the Writers Strike

I am not a member or in any way associated with the WGA, but support writers in their quest for a fare contract.

As a sign of my support I will not be display pictures or writing anything witty. You will only get Greek Copy!

Lorem ipsum puto ferri omnes quo ut, at graecis epicurei sed. Duo ei ludus accommodare ullamcorper, eripuit expetenda assueverit mei ea. Ea saperet efficiendi vix, ne laudem tincidunt duo, has ea utroque scaevola salutandi. Ei quas fierent propriae mea, dolor conceptam ne eam, vix solet verear accumsan an. Pri tollit omnium gubergren te, vix euismod nominavi reprehendunt ea, qui at quodsi similique consectetuer.

Sit modo putent expetenda id, duo ne reque utroque. Vim illum tation antiopam et. Pro numquam utroque oportere no. Diam albucius ne eum. Oblique corrumpit has an, viris homero mucius mel id, sea ludus delicata torquatos ea. Nam zzril detracto in, ne his modus corpora gubergren.

PS I am also in the process of forming the Animal Blog Writes Assc. My new slogan is "A snack in the hand is better then two in the bush" no, that does not work... how about "creating literary coolness one snack at a time"... or "Author This, B'ouch"... anyway, I am still working on it.

Fear and Survival

An interesting thing happened the other day. I noticed that I was starting to loss my touch. The fear that I once struck into the hearts of my enemies was gone. They did not seem to care that I was perched in my window barking. It started with the squirrel. He walked all over my lawn burring his nuts.

Then the crows came. And once again they did not even flinch. I was starting to loss it to the point that I had to take a power nap to recover. During the nap it hit me! winter is coming and these animals need to start gather food and fatting up. They do not care that I am in guard mode. They only care about surviving. Fear of me is not as bad as fear of not eating, hens surviving.

The moral of this story is that we are, for the most part, spoiled with our in door heating and cooling and our snacks o'plenty. We need to be greatfull. Share the wealth. If the humans are not going to eat the butt of the bread, toss it outside for the birds. If you are not going to finish your snack, u.s. mail them to me, care of Russell : )

Is there a Hero inside you?

I have grow fond of watching this show on TV called Heroes. The plot is based around the concept that every day people have super powers. It got me thinking... Do I have super powers? At first I thought that I was being silly. I have always possesed the power to sleep on command but come to find out many puppies have that same power.

I slowly started to notice that I could levitate to reach the kitchen cabins where the snacks are kept. The levitation turn into flying and now I have the power to sore like a beagle! (sorry, I mean eagle)


I have also discovered my power to turn into liquid metal. I am not sure what to do with this one yet but I am working on it. And yes, while I am liquid metal pup I do do liquid metal poops.

So, I ask each of you. Is there a hero inside you?

Vote for Ruby

Vote for Ruby, and all your wildest dreams will come true.

Click here to Vote for 2007 Weblog Award in the Pet Blog. Polls close Wednesday.

Dialog from Russell Dynomite;
Don: Vote for Summer.
Russell: Yeah, right, I'm not voting for her.
Don: Then who you gonna vote for?
Russell: I'm voting for Ruby, who do you think?
[Don scoffs and walks away]
Russell: Hey, Don. Can I have one of those buttons?
[Don hands Russell a Vote 4 Summer button]
Russell: [Russell tosses it across the hall, stares at Don, and runs away]

Does my Butt look Big?

As of my one year old birthday I switch from puppy food to Adult food. I can not help but wonder if the new food is making me get a fat ass!

The last thing I want to have to do is go on weight watchers. All that point counting... I would rather give up the double snack before seeing jenny craig. Hold up, let me rewind that. I would never give up the double snacks. It looks like I am going to have to start hitting the Gym...

Opening Day for Hoops

While I am not a big fan of basketball, I was inspired to school the humans in some bball. I have been known to break a few ankles with my wicked crossover dribble. Not to mention the mad ups I get went I reverse dunk.

It is a little know fact that dogs are excellent basketball players. Some the greats include Dr. Pei, Air Dale, and Shaq o'Puggle.

Shar Pei Fun Facts - Part 2

In the time of the Han Dynasty, 206 B.C. ~ A.D. 220, clay figurines resembling a dog have been found in numerous burial sites. Similar depictions have been found in period art work. Historians speculate that these "tomb dogs" are possibly the ancestors of the Shar-Pei due to the brow wrinkles shown on the statue and the curled tail, height and build depicted in early artwork.

Someday when I pass I am going to be barried with an elmo doll just to mess with future historians : )

Loofa Tribute

I received many cool gifts for my birthday but loofa is my favorite.

This is my tribute to loofa!

Breed confusion

Over the last few weeks my mom has been asked several times what breed of dog I am. I have also overheard people asking if I was a pit bull. At first I was upset, "how can anyone confuse me... Russell, Prince of the Shar Pei clan?" So I when on a little journey... shall I say a little soul searching into my bread's past.

There are many excellent web sites on Shar pei history. I found one that was fascinating. http://www.hkshar-pei.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=browse&id=8940&pageid=120

The site notes a period in Shar Pei history called the Grand Mixing. To Quote from the site,
"The Grand Mixing refer to the period when Shar-pei was still referred to by the name of Chinese Fighting Dog . Breeders here in Hong Kong crossed Shar-Pei with any natural born fighters solely to produce a better gladiator. By this, it is already self apparent, like anywhere in the world, that for the purpose of dog fighting people look for physically advantage and not so much on the preservation of the breed.

In order to win, nothing can stop breeders in Hong Kong mixing strong Akita type Tang dogs , and eventually mixing imported breeds such as Boxer, Bulldog, Bull Terrier, Pit Bull Terrier etc. to try solely to produce a better gladiator."

While I believe that dog fighting is sick, I can not change the past. I am who I am and If I wasn't I would not be who I am and therefore I am.

Possible Halloween Costumes

"Hey Russell, Every year I paint myself purple and trick or treat as Barney the purple Labarsaur. The kids love it and it is a way to earn extra snacks. What are your going as this year?" signed Cheech.

Well Cheech, I say let the people decide!

Gene Simons or a Manatee

As P.Diddy once said on a t-shirt, Vote or Die

IIII'm going to trick or treat all niiiiight
and swim with manatees all day....

THE VOTES ARE IN... and the WINNER IS....
a Manatee

I am ONE today! It my Birthday!

Go Russell, It's my Birthday
I'm going to party like it's my Birthday
Eat Frosty Paws like it's my Birthday
and we don't give a wuff cuz it my Birthday

Go Russell, Go Russell
Go Russell, Go Russell
Wave you paws in the air
And shake'm like you just don't care

Where all my dogs at?
Can I get a wuff, wuff?
....
Party pictures to follow!

Important Sock Discovery

In my last posting I decided to overcome my end of summer blues by sock therapy. But resent events have led me to the following discovery. Not all socks are created equal. The secret is out in my home so I am free to talk about it, I have Not been hijacking my socks from the feet of the children but from the laundry baskets. There I said it, I am a basket thief. It is an easy scam. I look through the baskets and take whatever looks good. What I did not know is that there are two uses for these baskets. First for the dirty, nasty, stinking socks and one for the just been cleaned, fresh out of the dryer and nicely folded socks.


I recently hijacked a post hockey game sock from one of the humans to find out that there are smells that puppies should not have to be subjected to. I believe that the Geneva Convention prohibits prisoners of war from being treated this bad. Matter of fact, this may qualify as cruel and unusual punishment! Damn that kid can stink a sock. Lets just say if I did a poop and that poop ate poop and did another poop, it would not smell that bad.

If I could save just one puppy from the pain I experienced It would make me feel like a made a difference.

So, to recap, the lesson here is look for the folded socks... I have also implemented an alternative plan... folded towels

End of Summer Blues

A wise man once said that the only time pups want to listen to the Beach Boys is at the beginning of the summer when they are waiting for summer to start and at the end of the summer when they are not ready for it to be over. This got me thinking, as I was browsing the itunes store via wifi on my oh-so-cool iPod Touch. For some reason I was cruising the Brazilian section, listening to Ceu and Bebel Gilberto. I love Brazilian music. It is sassy feel good music. But it is clear, summer is over and I was not quite ready.

This got me thinking... Do other pups feel the way I do? Do other pups get the end of summer blues? Do other pup listen to basanova music to compensate?


Dear Me, Please read above... any idea?

I know... SOCKS!

iPod Touch Review

iLove My iPod iTouch.

I have now had my new iPod Touch for 12 hours and I am overjoyed. It is the bestest iPod to date.

Russell's cool tools Rating system;
1 snack = no good
5 snacks = mostest bestest

Wow factor: 5
The interface is sick. Not in a "I need to go outside and eat grass", but in a "damn! this is hot!" The attention to detail is pawsome.

Usability: 4.5
As always, Apple is the standard in ease of use. Even a cat could navigate around. I did deduct .5 snacks for the small touch interface for entering text. My paws are not huge but i found myself miss keying...

Features: 3
This is a conditional 3. There is a scaled down set of feature verses the iPhone. For example, you can not edit calendar entries. Why would you pull features as basic as this? The core hardware and software are the same as the iPhone, they just choose to limit some functions. I assume that this is a business decision because of product placement verse the iPhone and its contacts with AT&T. If Apple opens the tools up, the iPod Touch would get an 11 out of 5 from me.

On another note, the wifi web browsing is crazy cool. enough said.

Got to go, my iPod Touch is calling me.

Shar Pei Fun Facts - Part 1

Shar-Pei when translated means "sand-skin" or "shark skin."

Shar-Pei is believed to have a common origin with the Chow-Chow because of the blue-black mouths and tongues

It was believed in ancient times that the dark mouth, exposed when barking, helped to ward off evil spirits

The coat when stroked against the grain may be abrasive, producing a burning, itching sensation

Shar Pei's where also called Chinese Fighting Dogs. But in China any dog that protects property is called a fighting dog

More to follow...

PS I am Fun and that is a fact.

iPosting iPei iChihuahua

In honor of Apples new iPod release next week, I created the iPei and iChiuahua Ad campaign. Come the 28th of September, baring any back orders and/or natural disasters, I shall be sporting a new iPod Touch! Long Live Apple : )

I added the Chihuahua in because I like the way it rolls off the tongue... iChihuahua. It sounds so sassy... iChihuahua. Go ahead you try. iChihuahuaaaaaaa


This is a special last minute addition to all the Bostons... This is for Ruby and Joe and ...

Russel, Patron Saint of Hockey

"Hey Russ, you like sports?" -Sidney from Steeltown

Baseball helps me sleep.
Basketball gets me running.
Football gets me pumped up.
But Hockey is the shiz-nic!

I love HOCKEY.

I am the self proclaimed Patron Saint of Hockey. My goal is to renew the passion for hockey of those who once watched the game and to lure those who have never seen the game to give it a try. There is nothing like it; Baseball and criket, Football and Rugby, Hockey and ...

And yes Shar Pei's can skate. I wear two pairs of Graf 503s.

With hockey season inching closer you may notice my posting fequency go down ah.

See you in the penaty box... Russ

Sleep dwell upon thine eyes

The average dog sleeps 14 hours a day. But I am not your average dog. I like to say, "keep four paws on the floor and always be ready to snore." and as Billy Shakespeare said, "Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast." Romeo and Juliet, II.ii.186
Didn't know I could go all intellectual did you?

For you who are awake to read this, it may be time for a nap....zzzzzz

Two Hot Foxes in My Yard

Shame on all of you who read the title of this posting and expected to see two hot puppies. This is a tail of caution. Sure the allure of sexy foxes is tempting but as in many things you should not be taken by appearances. There is more to a canine then a pretty coat and a bushy tail. And yes us dudes love a brushy tail, it is the equivalent of a big j.lo butt in the pup world.

The lesson here is to look below the surface to the puppy inside. It is only normal to be attracted to the bling but real substance is below the surface. Long lasting relationships are forged from inner beauty. You should fight the urge for instant gratification and the elements of danger.



Also my mom would not let me off the deck to go play with them.

Watchdog On-The-Job Action Photos

As requested here are some on-the-job action photos of me hard at work.

Here is me scanning the front yard. Notice my form, serious as a heart attack.



This is my second post, the family room. In this picture I am in a code orange alert. Code orange is when I see the mailman.



This is me on dawn patrol. The sun is setting and while most of you are settling down, my job is only just beginning.



In this photo I am well into my night shift. At times it gets boring so I like to break out the toys and party like a rock start while the humans are sleeping safe in their beds.

Watchdog Training

"Russ, how do you train as a watchdog?"

Three word - Air, Sea, and Land. Like the armed services; Airforce, Navy, and Army, I prepare for intruders from all angles. Please see below.

---

This is Daffy my training fowl. "Break the wrist, walk away..."

---

This is Squidwart my sea creature. I grappling Gracie Jujitsu style on his butt.

---

This is Ratso my land based training dumby. I am waiting for Ratso to Tapout.

Back to School - Separation Anxiety

"Russ, My small humans have gone back to school and I am feeling a little down. They usual just irritate me but I kind of miss them."

Sounds like you have Separation Anxiety. Here is a quick test to see if you got it;

- Are you barking continuously during the day, perhaps after a build-up of whining?
- Do you get stressed when it looks like they are going to leave?
- Are you chewing everything you can get your paws on?
- When they return do you find yourself bouncing off the walls with joy?

Thing you can do;

- Demand more together time. Perhaps long walks or playtime.
- Ask for something to keep you busy when they're gone. Maybe a Kong filled with peanut butter.
- Request to be brought to a friends or daycare.
- Try not to focus on them leaving...

I hope this helped. I personally fixed my anxiety by blogging....

Brokehearts and Matters of the Heart

I hesitated to answer this next posting as it deals with matters of the heart. I have also chosen to summarize the question and disguise the names to protect the privacy of the involved individuals. I will encode the names using a secret variation of the Latin swine encryption method.

Question Summery: My name in Ugsy-Bay. I have shared my affections with a cute pup named Uby-Ray. Uby-Ray never returned my feeling and now I am brokenhearted.

Dear brokenhearted Ugsy-Bay, I am a dude. I could tell you how to rebuild a carb but rebuilding a heart is not quiet the same. I will differ to the experts for some wisdom.

"Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs." - Miss Piggy

"And they called it puppy love
Oh, I guess they'll never know
How a young heart really feels
And why I love her so" - Paul Anka

Okay, now here is the tough love part. You are an east coaster and she is a west coaster, long distance relationship never work out. There are plenty of pup in the park....

NintenDogs Opportunity

"Dear Russell, I often play NintenDogs on the the Nintendo DS. Why are there no Shar Pei's in video games? You guys look pretty cool. What do you think?"

Excellent Point! Why Are there no Shar Pei's in video games?

Open Letter to Nintendo,

The people have spoken. Give us a NintenDogs version with a Shar Pei breed option. Here are my reasons;

1. Shar Pei puppies are one of, if not the, cutest puppies on the planet.
2. Shar Pei puppies are a perfect breed for inclusion as we are playful and fun.
3. Shar Pei puppies are excellent role models for all puppies.
4. Nintendo can be first to market with a Shar Pei based game.
5. See reason 1.

Greenie Addiction

"Russell, I am in love with Greenies. I want them all the time. I think I have a problem. Can you help?"

The first step is to admit that you have an issue. It is not that bad. The key is moderation. First, you are going to need a sponsor or a buddy that you can call when ever the urge for a Greenie is taking. Talk it over with him or her. Next, try to substitute your urge for a Greenie with something else. Bad substitutes are other snacks that can make you blow up like Garfield. Good substitutes are bugging your human or video games, try World Of Warcraft.

P.S. write back to me when you need help weening yourself off of World Of Warcraft.

Cousin Benny and Cousin Meeko dialing in some questions

Hey Russell,

If a dog barks in the forest and no ones there to here it does it really
matter? Also, how much pie could an old pug eat if a old pug could eat pie?

pugs and kisses
benny boy

Answer to question uno - This is a trick question as there is someone in the forest, the dog that barked. Please do not mess with the master : )
Answer to question two - please define old pug. A pug of your ability can surely knock back many pie's. If you go see my buddy suki he does not appear to have the girth required for this pie consumption you speak of...

Hey Russell, How do you keep cool all day? It is a jungle out there... Meeko

I am a modern Shar Pei, two letters - A/C. It is a wonderful invention. It make the air cold and me happy. I am not build for extended outside adventures, 15 minutes of heat and back we go into the great indoors. Why fight advances in technology. Just a heads up, in the winter they make this thing called a heat : )

Have you every had a song stuck in your head?

"Russ, Have you every got a song stuck in your head? I can not get Whip it by Devo out of my head, please help!"

I once heard of this haunting condition referred to as having an earworm. I checked and there are no pills you can take for this, like Heartgard. The only vaccine that works for me is what I call my mind scrubber songs. I have a set of songs that I listen to in an attempt to override the menacing song hooks. Sometimes it works other times I have to just let it take its course, depending of how powerful your earworm is…

We all have songs that curse our ears and brains. Below is my list. In the process of typing the list up, I awoke the daemon songs causing me lyrical pain.

Top 10 Songs that get Stuck In My Head

10. It’s a small world
9. Gimme a break – Snickers commercial
8. I’m Bringing Sexy Back
7. Mission Impossible Theme
6. Jam On It.. Jam ja jam ja jam on it…
5. Punk Rock Girl
4. Hey Mickey your so fine, your so fine you blow my mind.
3. I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs – Chilli’s
2. Too Many Puppies – Primus
1. Once in a lifetime – Talking Heads

You may find yourself wanting frosty paws
And you may find yourself chasing your tail
And you may find yourself making up lyrics for hours
And you may find yourself …..

Randi Tagged me for the Name Game

Dear Randi, I am a playful pup so I will engage in your game. I have a few amendments to the rules. First, I am sensitive about my middle name so you must refrain from public laugher. Second, to conform with my blog charter I must form this posting as advise.

Randi's Rules can be found at Here

My middle name is Cartman. The young punk brothers (pictured to the left) wanted it to be my first name but I was saved by Mom. They compromised on Russell and for that I am forever thankful. I have blocked out their faces to protect their identity as I fear rioting from my fans.

C - always Care for your family. A shar pei never stops caring even when the human are slow givin' up the snacks
A - ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK. Did not mean to scare you. But it's my job, this is what we do.
R - Remember, I remember every time they blame me for farting and I steal one sock per lie. I have enough socks to suit up a football team.
T - Teach, if you have a gift you must share. I am both a student and teacher young grasshopper.
M - Mom, if it was not for you Cartman would be my first name. Never forget Mom
A - Did I mention Attack?
N - Never let them see you sweet. A watch dog alway maintains control.